She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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