The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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