If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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