Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
