I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
