Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
