I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm really busy with my period
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