dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it penis luge time yet?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
