He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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