he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
