considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am mentally ready for anal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
