Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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