It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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