some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My feet surprised me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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