I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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