are you so shy because you have an std?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
