Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
