im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
