At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
vagina is talking i cant
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
