Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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