umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I haven't been this sober since birth.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
