you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
