May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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