I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
