At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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