You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
