SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
