Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
