If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
