there's paper in my vomit.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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