he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
