I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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