Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're using joints as your birthday candles
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
