I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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