help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
