my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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