WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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