This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
