My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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