i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Use "feeling words"
Yay
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Randomize
