summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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