HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
