As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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