You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
