I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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