Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
