So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
