There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
