I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
