Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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