This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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