You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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