Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
