Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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