So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
