just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
