she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is my gift to your gina
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
