I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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