Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
