I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
