I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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