My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
