so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
