Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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