the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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