I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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