My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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