I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
