she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
