this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
