It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
