I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize