i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
