i love accidental penises.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
