Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
