i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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