she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
