In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
