BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
